the bonbon life.

Career Decisions: Are You Choosing by Default?

Friday, July 4, 2008 –

With the benefit of a few years hindsight I now see how utterly young eighteen years old is.  Yet that is the age when most of us go off to college and must begin to pick a major and therefore a career for ourselves.  It actually starts a little earlier than that–once in high school we are asked by guidance counselors and the adults in our lives what we are thinking about “being.”  By junior year many of us are told to start narrowing down colleges to visit–decisions which are of course are influenced by what programs and degrees they offer.  It’s a heady and exciting time, but also a confusing one.  Outside influences often play a role in the form of thoughts such as “Dad thinks I’d be good at this….”  “Mom always wanted me to be this…” “My teachers always said I was better at that than this…”  Combined with the fact that we are still at such a young and impressionable age, it is hard to believe we’re expected to make such an enormous and life-altering decision by then.

For me personally, I didn’t particularly enjoy or do all that great at math so my mother gently swayed me away from entire industries altogether.  She meant well, but should I really have completely written off medicine, finance, science and business as possible career paths because of it?  At the time I suppose it was logical and conveniently helped me focus on a smaller set of possibilities.  Looking back I see I probably limited myself unnecessarily.

It also highlights another issue–that of letting others too often make decisions for us.  Oftentimes it can mean we do not trust ourselves or believe we have the ability to know what is best for our lives.  In the case of choosing a college major or career path, age further compounds the problem.  Not all seventeen and eighteen year-olds have the necessary clarity or life experience to figure it all out.

So what is the outcome of all this?  In many cases, it means switched majors, school transfers, career changes and most disconcertingly–some combination of doubt, fear and hopelessness.  Of course career changing in middle age has become commonplace and expected.  But if you have only been out of school a few years and you are feeling as if you picked the wrong field to go into, it can feel pretty troubling.  Especially when racking up $40-50,000+ in student loan debt to pursue that field is the norm.

However, the point of this post is not to force you off a cliff.  The point is to give you reassurance that 1) you are not alone, 2) you don’t have to wait until you’re middle-aged and craving a Porsche to make a career change, and 3) it’s quite possibly the easiest time in history to start your own business if that’s what you’re into.  You have options and escape routes.  I know you may be miserable right now and thinking that all sounds peachy in theory–but where on earth do you start?

There is a lot of practical information out there on job hunting, starting a small business, and switching career paths.  The information has a place, but even before these practical steps comes working on developing yourself.  Some people see this as very “woo woo” or “touch-feely” and as such may not go that route prior to exploring a life change.  I have to say I used to operate that way, not because it was too “woo woo” necessarily–just because I had never really been exposed to that whole “other world.”

In the past year alone I have completely changed my mindset regarding what’s possible for me.  I’ve joined a mastermind group, hired a personal coach, and filled my ipod with hours upon hours of personal development audio books.  Those three things alone have taught me more about life, business, success, career and self-esteem then all my years of schooling combined.  To some others it may be obvious, but for me to realize that there were many more possibilities out there than to go to school, get a job, climb the ladder and basically float through life in mediocrity was HUGE.

I think that many of us default into a life we sort of felt was just the way we were supposed to do it.  Around our late teens and early twenties we start following the safe, supposedly secure route. We do it because our parents gently (or not so) guide us that way.  We do it because we have a limited view of what we are capable of.  We do it because our brother or our sister or best friend is doing it that way.  The point being that a lot of us sort of half-heartedly set out on a path only to realize 5 or 10 years have gone by and we are not where we want to be at all.  Confusion and anxiety can set in as we wonder whether we’ve trapped ourselves and worry that the life we’re leading is totally incongruent with the person we are inside.  These feelings are normal and I believe quite common.  Many people don’t always discuss openly that they’re feeling that way though.  This fact can make you feel even more alone.

In order to work through this malaise you have open yourself to possibilities that you may have never considered before.  Believe that there is more out there for you and get to know what it is you really want.  Take out the factor that this or that person thought you should be X in life.  Maybe you make great money and your friends are all impressed but you have zero passion for your day job and the 80 hours a week are slowly killing you.  Maybe you feel your work does nothing to help others or the world at large and you’re feeling empty because of it.  Whatever it is, it is fixable because the answers lie within you.  Touchy-feely as it may sound, none of us should lead an ordinary life when we can be extraordinary.  Do things to get to the core of what’s most important to you.  Write in a journal, read some new books or talk to people you know who are doing meaningful work you admire.  Even if you don’t know anyone personally, the internet makes it easy to seek out others who are doing things that really inspire you.  I bet you will find out 10 times more about who you really are than any college course could teach you.  Take what you learn and use it to change course into a life that speaks to the true you.