Defining What You Want: Goal Questions to Help You Take Control of Your Life
Thursday, October 30, 2008 –I often hear people say they want to make changes in their life and then watch them do more of the same of what they have been doing. If they truly want new results, why would they repeat what has not been working for them? It seems obvious, but I believe one of the problems lies in not asking themselves the right questions.
As a hypothetical example, let’s say Jennifer has been dreaming of leaving the corporate world to do something on her own. She is unhappy and restless and knows that she is not cut out to work for someone else. She spends much of her time focused on why she doesn’t like her job or the way her life is going in general. Intellectually, Jennifer knows that the responsibility of changing her situation lies with her. She realizes the fulfillment she is looking for can only come as a result of the actions she takes toward starting a business. So why is she stuck where she is?
Sometimes it boils down to honestly asking ourselves the “what” and “why” questions behind our desires. The real key is that we need to go beyond the surface answers we first come up with. Jennifer may say that her “what” is having her own business and being her own boss and her “why” is a need for freedom and self-expression. Those reasons are only the beginning and have not gotten her very far on their own. This is because they only go so deep into the roots of her desire. In order to be motivated to make any real, lasting changes she needs to delve further into her “why.”
What are some more powerful, effective questions she could be asking herself or be asked by others? If I was the one doing the asking, I would start with the following:
• What in your life are you putting up with or tolerating right now?
• What do you want more of?
• What do you want less of?
• What is one thing you could tweak in your life right now to bring you more peace?
• What are five things you are currently doing in your life which are not serving you in getting to what you want?
What these types of questions do is help reveal not only what a person wants and why they want it, but they can also lead to what has been blocking them from creating the life they really desire. It becomes a discovery process about the person’s beliefs, habits and self-created obstacles as opposed to just an informational interview.
Once Jennifer explores her answers to these questions she can begin to work on implementing the changes in her life which can bring her closer to her goals. Up until this point she may not have fully understood why 1) particular characteristics such as freedom and creativity were most important to her and 2) she was feeling stuck and not making any progress on her goal of working for herself. Powerful goal questions such as the ones above will help unearth limitations and provide new perspectives so that you can gain the increased clarity needed to make real changes in your life.
